Thursday, May 3, 2012

Gym time

It's really hard to hit the gym more now, as that was the last place I was able to touch and see him. Going to the gym to workout and get fit again brings many emotions. Walking into the gym, reality sets in, seeing where his bags were placed that morning a rush of emotions hit me, looking at the stands where we last sat together knocks me back a few steps. Not even talking about walking across the gym floor to the cardio door just getting to the edge of the gym floor. It's hard to face the gym at times like today, it brings me to tears still not because he isn't there to run on the treadmill next to me while I walk/jog but because it's a place where our life together changed. It's changed for many months to come, yet we are that much closer to him being back where he belongs.

Running today helped, it's sort of a therapy while I miss him being on the treadmill next to the one I'm on, I know I can run out my frustrations, my anger, my hurt that he isn't there with me. I'm angry at the Army, I'm angry at people here, I'm angry my Home Based Business packet has taken this long and I still don't have any answers. I'm frustrated that my hands are tied behind my back with my business adventures, I'm frustrated that he isn't here and we aren't able to start the next chapter of our life together in 7 months. I'm hurt that I have to go to bed alone, cook dinner, do the dishes and hang out with friends and their husbands. I'm hurt that I'm a third wheel now. I'm frustrated that my career will be put on hold probably another year as we won't be at a new duty station before next school year starts. There is a lot to be frustrated over, angry at and hurt over but at the end of the day nothing I do will bring him home earlier than what the Army has planned for him to come back. It's hard to walk through the door and across the floor but in the end I feel more at peace with this deployment. It can knock me down, it can make me cry but at the end of the day it's not going to define our lives together. Hopefully this will be the last one for a while if not for good for him. I don't hold my breathe or wish deployments upon anyone.

Little by little, my run will get better and when he gets back we can enjoy the gym and outside together again. I'm already looking into places for R&R that we've talked about going to. Last time we had R&R we spent the whole time in wonderful Hawaii on the beaches and enjoying what Hawaii had to offer. Now we are looking into the Caribbean, Australia and a few other places. Leaning more towards Australia for this trip as it will be a one in a lifetime chance to go.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Update on life

Well looks like life has taken over and the blog has suffered. I send my apologies! A trip to Walter Reed for surgery for the husband, training/schooling for him, a trip home for me to my parents and then we met up in his hometown to see his sister get married, getting a new job at the schools, holidays and family visiting us for some of the winter, ski trips, traveling more of Germany, taking two weeks off for block leave- UK/Italy, deployment starting among other things. This has been our life in the last thirteen months! Hoping things settle down some soon and I can share our adventures of the last year and then some :)

There has been plenty of drama and rumors flying around our tiny post. It's getting way old and truth be told, I'm too old to deal with the high school games and drama most of the wives around here play. I've had my fair share of hurt by some of these women. I've been used and thrown to the side like no other. From here forward, I'm done trying to be the best friend, I'm done being used and thrown aside like I don't matter. Since Brian has left, there has been only one person who truly checks on me. For her I'm thankful for. She lives up the street from me, we tweet each other throughout the week, we are able to vent and talk to each other like we've known each other for years. Although we haven't truly known the other one for a long time, I know this is a true friendship and one that will last far beyond our time here together. Other "friends" yes I truly mean that, they are nothing more than people who only talk to me when they need something in return. It sure gets old being that person they always call or message. When will it be my turn for them to be there? When I have trouble with a car, who will I depend on to be there? Sure won't be them!

Don't worry mom and dad (both sides here) I do have people I can call, people who will be there when things go wrong (hopefully nothing major!) and friends who will be there to sit with me, have a glass of wine and let me vent about this year. Facebook has been causing a LOT of drama between a lot of the women around here. Please think twice before posting something on there. A lot can be take wrong, a lot can be hurtful or rude to others. Before I go home this summer for a few weeks, I'll be finishing at least one quilt, working more on scrapbook pages, more on this blog and best of all working on this house and getting more things put up and away as well as getting somethings outta here!

Our return date has been extended by 6 months. Not too bad in most terms, yes it stinks because we were looking forward to being under a year left here. At the same time this gives us a nice cushion on the end of his return back here to get a few more weekend trips in before we head back over the pond and end this big adventure. As of now we have no idea where we will be heading next or what possible new job hubby could have when he reenlists later this year. More to come about that hopefully this summer. Hopefully good news will bless our house and we will have something great to look forward to next year. For now, I'm off to go clean up some and relax. Hope no one takes great offense to this, but just remember this is a place for my thoughts and for me to speak my mind ;)